Relationship Conflict & Communication
You keep having the same argument. Something deeper is going on.
It's not about the dishes, the tone, or who said what. Relationship conflict patterns have roots — and those roots can change.
Book a consultation Call (615) 543-8786You might recognize some of this:
- The same fight, different night
- You shut down — or you escalate
- Feeling unheard, even after hours of talking
- Walking on eggshells between arguments
- The aftermath leaves you both more distant
- You love each other but something keeps breaking
What's really happening
Conflict isn't the problem. The pattern beneath it is.
Most couples don't argue about what they think they're arguing about. The dishes are real. The tone is real. The unmet need underneath both of them is realer.
Relationship conflict patterns form early. The way you learned to navigate tension, get needs met, or protect yourself from disappointment — usually from your original family — becomes the blueprint your nervous system runs on in close relationships. You didn't choose it. But you can change it.
IFS-informed therapy looks at what's happening inside each person during conflict: the part that shuts down, the part that pushes back harder, the part that needs everything to be fine. When those parts are understood — instead of just managed or suppressed — conflict becomes something you can move through instead of something you're trapped inside.
The part of you that shuts down in an argument isn't broken. It learned silence when noise wasn't safe. It's still protecting you — from something that may no longer be there.
What this feels like
What this can look like in your relationship
You feel flooded — too overwhelmed to think, let alone speak clearly
You apologize before you've even figured out what happened
Your partner says you're 'unreachable' when things get hard
You replay arguments for days, drafting the response you should have given
You've tried communication skills and they still don't stick
The closeness you want feels just out of reach
The approach
How the work unfolds
This isn't communication coaching. It's something deeper.
Understanding the pattern
We map what's actually happening — inside you — when conflict begins. What triggers the shutdown? What's the pursuit about? Most patterns make perfect sense once you know their origin.
Meeting the parts involved
IFS helps us identify the parts of you that activate in conflict — and understand what they're protecting. A part that shuts down is usually protecting something vulnerable. A part that escalates usually needs to be heard. Both are trying to help.
Building capacity for repair
As you understand your own responses, you become less reactive to your partner's. You can stay in the conversation instead of leaving it. Repair becomes possible — and eventually, natural.
Perrin Holloway
T-MAFT · Therapist
- IFS-informed therapy
- Attachment-based approach
- Trauma-aware practice
- Nashville, TN · Telehealth
I work with people who are functioning well by most measures — and still feel like something fundamental is wrong, missing, or unavailable to them. They've often tried to think their way through it. They're tired of thinking.
My approach is IFS-informed and attachment-aware. That means we pay attention to what's happening inside — to the parts of you that protect, perform, and keep things fine — and we get curious about them rather than trying to fix or override them. The work is slow in the best way. Things that have been held for years don't shift through effort. They shift through being seen.
I see clients in Nashville, TN and via telehealth across Tennessee.
The conversation you keep trying to have is possible.
Sessions available in Nashville and via telehealth across Tennessee.
Get in touchReady to take the first step? Send a message and I'll be in touch within 24-48 hours to schedule a free 15-minute consultation.